he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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