It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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