so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
