Your face is a jimmy john
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
