good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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