I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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