So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I want to make a zoo with you.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
