For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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