I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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