i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
