If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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