OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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