I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
