Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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