I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
