so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
