I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
