Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
