Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
