ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
