No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
