I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
