Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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