I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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