'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I smell like Dick and happiness
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
