No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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