i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
