I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
