yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
