Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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