I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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