Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
