I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
