next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
