Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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