I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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