Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
