her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
