I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
