I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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