I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
