I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
