Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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