I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I could fuck to npr.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
