so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
