My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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