Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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