If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
