Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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