I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
