I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
