I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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