Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
